The F*cking Bumps Along the F*cking Journey

I am disappointed in myself. Long story short, this morning I didn't follow my meal plan. I ate a sandwich. I'll be honest and confess that I did not try getting rid of it. I did try to dump it unto someone else, but when that person declined, I just consumed it. It wasn't a 'normal' sandwich, either, and I'm not sure how many calories it contained. As I was eating it, I was thinking about how it was in my hands. If I wanted to, I could've stopped at the first bite, spit it out, rinsed my mouth, and chalk it all up to a moment of unthinking. But I deliberately bit into that starch, piece by piece, until it was all inside me. After that, I was very inclined to binge. I did not, but I still feel like if I cannot control myself now when I am on my own, how will I be able to control myself tomorrow at home where following my routines and rules are so much more difficult?

Ugh. Today's post was supposed to be all about conquering day 22, yet here I am, an undisciplined blob with absolutely no control.

Though now that I got the pity party out of my system, here is my punishment:

1) Today's sandwich which I ate + the sugarless gum I'm chewing right now will be my meal for today.

2) After parking my car where I live, I will walk to the nearby mall and buy caffeine pills (doing that will take about an hour)

3) Prepare the shit I want to take with me home tomorrow, and (maybe) clean my room

4) On Friday, eat only if absolutely nessecary (I have a plan to not eat without arousing suspision)

5) Firday morning, I'll have a caffeine pill, then walk to the bus station while carrying all my stuff (this will take an hour to an hour and a half)

6) When I reach the city where my home is, I walk home from the bus station (which will take half an hour), rather than take a taxi.

7) In the afternoon, I take my little sister to play (which will burn cals, cause she keeps me on my feet!)

This is for the rest of today, and for Friday. As for Saturday, I found out today that there will be a party of sorts which I do not think I'll be able to skip. It will also be a stressful day overall, because I won't be able to return to the safety of my rented room at the time I planned in my head. So, I will say this:

If I eat, I promise myself that I will channel all my energy picking the foods with the least calories. when I return to my room, I have to do the usual strength training, after walking back to my rented room from the bus station, of course.

I WILL do it. I have reached my first goal of 110, and even if I plateau and lose nothing, there is no way in hell that I allow myself to regain and go back to 119.
I must be strong.
I must cultivate control.
I must succeed.
Wish me well.

Kisses,
CC