I exercised as planned this morning, and am currently having my dinner (seven-up diet + green peas worth about 288 cals with one pkt of mustard to add flavour). I had my 200gs of baby carrots (with 1 pkt of ketchup and mustard, each), but I could not have my tea, or gum. I was so busy! Not that not having such a small amount of cals matters, but it still counts in my crazy head.
Anyway, I am glad that my crazy boss is keeping me moving around so much, but another part of me is glad that she'll be absent on thursday. I'm planning on taking full advantage of my lunch break (for the first f*cking time since starting this job) to go out and do some shopping. Not clothes (duh!) but stuff to help with losing the pounds. I stepped on the scale half an hour ago, and it read 49.4 kgs, or 109 pounds. I am forcing myself to be glad and keep it in prespective. Losing control at this point will not be good for me, and it doesn't help that I'll be going home this weekend. My weight loss doesn't show on my body, not really, but it shows on my face and hands. I'm worried I'll get confronted with this, and when I do I'll eat junk just to prove that I'm alright! Really! After all:
All normal people eat fatty shit.
I am eating fatty shit.
Thus: I = Normal!
What a load of crap. I may have to buck up and go all 'Yeah? What about you? What are YOU eating, huh?', especially since the person who will most likely be shoving their ugly nose into my business will be the anorexic relative I mentioned in an earlier post. Sigh. I have to put it into my head that I must NOT, under any circumstance, give in. Giving in would be a nightmare, since it'll just open the door to binging, and then may god have mercy on anything edible in the vincity. My effort, these 20 days, my goal of finishing a month, all will be flushed down the toilet. This is very serious to me. Yesterday, I had a nightmare in which I was eating lots and lots of cashews (due to all the cashew talk yesterday?). I woke up panicky and then felt a pure wave of utter relief wash over my entire soul (yeah, it was that intense!) once I realized it was just a bad dream. This is how serious it is for me. So I guess that I will have to devise a plan to deal with all this shit. I'll post it later.
Anyway, I really got distracted, didn't I? 20 days! Looking forward to boasting about conquering day 30 on a post in the future! Go me!
Kisses,
CC
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