In Which the Protagonist Ups the Wangst

Intake for today:


1 cup of black tea (2 artificial sweeteners) = about 10 cals?

2 sugarless chewing gum = 20 cals? Overestimating is better than underestimating, didn't you know?

1 cup of green tea (2 artificial sweeteners) = about 10 cals?

1 can of diet pepsi= 10 cals?
2 Ferrero Rondnoir Dark Chocolates = (1 piece: 52.5 cals, 3.5g fat) = 105 cals + 7g fat

Yeah. That's the issue this time.

Today is day number 25 since I restarted this whole business of serious caloric intake restriction. Instead of diving head-in, I paced it beautifully; starting with cutting down-- consuming no more than 900 calories and 10 grams of fat per day, without exercising. The main meals were rice cakes (blandness!) and a certain brand of rice crackers- the name of which escapes me at the moment- which tasted like heaven. This went on for a week. After the seven days passed, I added light strength training to the routine. After another seven days, I discovered the versatile wonder of canned, low fat, fulfilling goods of a (cheap! And suitable for vegetarians!) brand called 'Mara' (baked beans, kidney beans, peas, chick peas, etc). I'd have two cans a day, and took care the calories consumed did not exceed the arbitrary 600 mark. The exercise regieme remained the same. After that I modified my scheme as explained in a previous post to lessen the calorie count while adding more exercise. I have reached my first goal of 110 pounds, and lost an inch from the all the important places (hips, waist & chest).

I have been doing so well. Yet I binged on friday. I used the excuse of my being at home. Now that I'm on my own again, what justification won't ring hollow?

Wasn't it just yesterday that I declared that I won't lose--not this try!-- 'cause by all that it holy, this time it's serious. so why is god's name am I straying? Why am I letting the little temptations win over the battle? Why am I so weak, so pathatic, so unable to control this savagery within me that I cave in at the first whiff of enticment?

I am so angry with me right now.